Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Every concussion has its silver lining
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
