I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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