If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
