After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
