Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
