He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you win again, gameday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
