You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
