Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
