you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
