Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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