textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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