Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My vagina is officially offended.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
