Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
