The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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