I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
