How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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