What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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