im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
