dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
