Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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