Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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