Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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