Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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