i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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