i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
