I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I had to cum in my sink.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
