There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
