dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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