We're like a lot better than the average bears
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
