I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
