my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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