winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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