at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
