like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
