so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
