I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
