I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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