Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
