I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
