What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We need to get me chipped asap
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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