Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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