You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
