Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
