woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
