people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
