your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
