the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
zippers are such a cool invention
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
