he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
