You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
