Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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